Permission? Granted.

Permission? Granted.

“You should be in jeans, a t-shirt and baseball cap.” I said with a coy smile. 

 She raised her eyebrow, tilted head and offered a coy smile of her own, “Sherry, you know we can’t do that.”

“But why?” I questioned. “That’s how everybody knows you. That’s how you’re most comfortable. Why wear something that isn’t you?”

“Because it’s not appropriate,” she said, still with that raised brow and slight smile.

“But why? YOU should be able to decide!” I huffed. 

“It’s okay. The cotillion dress will work. You liked that dress. You helped me pick it,” she said.

Frustrated, “I know it will work. You looked really pretty. But you got that for cotillion because you HAD TO wear a dress. For this, you should be you! You should be able to wear whatever you want!”

In her usual calm, comforting tone, “It’s okay,” she said.

I thought about a rebuttal, something I could say to convince my dying mother that I was right, that she should be buried in something that looked and felt like her. Instead, I remained silent. She knew I would do what was “appropriate”.

The spirited, sometimes rebellious 19-year-old version of me that sat before my dying mother that afternoon wanted nothing more than to be heard, to feel like I had a say in something at a time when I felt like I had no say in anything. 

I wanted to trade every “appropriate” notion I had been taught by my well-meaning mother for something that felt both foreign and inspiring. 

I wanted permission. I wanted permission to stop being “appropriate” and start living in a way that made me feel like I was truly alive. 

Now, more than 20 years later, I realize that as I sat there longing for my mother’s permission, it was a gift she had already given. 

It did not come in the form expected, but she had filled me with opportunities to stand on my own, to see and hear clearly. 

As best she could, she encouraged me to dance to the beat of that drum in my head…but to also know when to be “appropriate”. 

For so many of us, we spend more time waiting for permission to move on our dreams and desires than we spend in motion, acting on the visions that have been placed in our spirit. But what would happen if you stopped waiting on permission from your mother, father, siblings, boss, partner, etc? 

When we give ourselves permission to live authentically, we break barriers and clear our path to freedom and growth. We break barriers that once stood in the way of our individual purpose.  

So, what will you choose? 

As you prepare to give yourself permission, always remember the following:

• You are bound to make mistakes along the way. When this happens, we can feel down on ourselves, frustrated by what may feel like an inability to get things right. But, it is in the moments that feel like failure that we find real gems that push us closer to our growth. Remember to be kind to yourself. When you hear yourself speaking negatively about what didn’t go right, stop and look for the things that DID go right or the lessons you learned along the way.  

• When you feel the nudges, follow them…even when they feel scary. Think about it like this… Those nudges are your light on a path that can sometimes feel dark. That light will help you avoid potholes along the way. They will also help you reset if you hit a bump. 

• Trust that you have everything you need to create the life you desire. While there is a time and place for all things “appropriate”, the magic you desire will be found in your choice to live authentically, honoring your authentic voice. 

If you are ready to (re)frame how you show up in your relationships and stop waiting for “permission”, Let’s talk about it! 

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