IT is All Right Here!

IT. We all have one. At least one. Likely more.

I stood in the doorway of the bedroom, mentally and emotionally exhausted. This room was the last resort. In the hours leading up to this moment no sofa cushion had been left unturned, no cabinet door had remained closed. I looked behind and under every piece of furniture. I flipped through the pages of every book. I pulled out the refrigerator just in case IT had miraculously landed there.

Although tired, I was a woman on a mission, hoping that within this room I would finally find IT. I needed IT. There were no answers without IT. I could not be great without IT.

I leaned on the wall and took a few deep breaths, giving the gnawing, ever-present internal banter an opportunity to run its course...

You probably threw IT away during one of those spring cleaning tirades that started after reading some random article about how minimalism (and kale smoothies) increase life expectancy.

Yep! Your Beloved IT is probably sitting in some landfill suffocating beneath used diapers and rotting food.

Or worse yet, IT has found a lovely home on the nightstand of some deeply enlightened 20-something who is surely better at following directions than you have ever been.

I tossed scarves and old sweaters around in the closet knowing it would not be unlike me to create a “hiding place” to protect IT from nosey visitors, burglars and ultimately myself. If creating another big mess was my goal, I was a winner. Too bad that mess did not lead me to IT.

I opened drawers that housed old purses and journals. I wanted to pause for a quick fashion show and walk down Memory Lane, but finding IT was more important.

With fingers crossed, I got down on the floor for a peek under the bed. I found the sock whose mate I had thrown away weeks before, my favorite pen hiding behind a few balls of crumpled paper and a mysterious, empty toilet paper roll.

And just as I was about to get up…

Just beyond the toilet paper roll and crumpled paper, there IT was! I felt like I heard angels singing. There IT was, everything I believed I needed.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I reached for IT, but to my dismay, the exceptionally long arms regularly used to snag items from the highest of grocery store shelves had become inoperable appendages.

I tried moving the bed but the herculean strength used just days before to lift weights at the gym had melted into blobs of weakness.

I looked for the broom, knowing the handle would be long enough, but it must have been buried in one of the messes created at the beginning of this wild goose chase.

IT was at my fingertips yet still out of my grasp.

IT. We all have one. At least one.

What is IT, you ask?

Well, that depended on the day, the weather, the side of the bed I found myself on when my eyes opened or the buttons pushed during a random conversation with a friend.

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Love. Acceptance. Success. Understanding.

You pick. IT could be any of the above or all...or maybe something more.

High and low I went on these (seemingly) endless searches for IT, convinced the discovery would lead me to every beautiful thing I desired. The more I felt IT was missing, the more I searched. Until I could search no longer.

I did eventually find IT.

IT was under the couch cushions and behind cabinet doors. IT was in the closet and under the bed.

I found IT when my eyes were closed, void of connection to everything around me. I found IT in the sound of the birds chirping outside my window, singing sweet nothings to my spirit.

Everywhere I stepped, there IT was.

Although I searched high and low, I soon learned that IT was not a thing to be found outside of me. IT was always in me. Every part of IT was in ME. I simply had to stop moving, get quiet and open my eyes.

IT. We all have one. At least one. But we only see IT when we open our eyes and connect within.


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